The Qur’an
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” [Qur’an 2:153]
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.” Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.” [Qur’an 2:155-157]
“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity…” [Qur’an; 2:286]
“O you who have believed, persevere and endure and remain stationed and fear Allah that you may be successful.” [Qur’an 3:200]
“…And the good word of your Lord was fulfilled for the Children of Israel because of what they had patiently endured…” [Qur’an 7:137]
“Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” [Qur’an 8:46]
“Except for those who are patient and do righteous deeds; those will have forgiveness and great reward.” [Quran 11:11]
“…And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying], “Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And excellent is the final home.” [Qur’an 13:23-24]
“…And We will surely give those who were patient their reward according to the best of what they used to do.” [Qur’an 16:96]
“…And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.” [Qur’an 25:20]
“Those will be given their reward twice for what they patiently endured and [because] they avert evil through good, and from what We have provided them they spend.” [Qur’an 28:54]
“And We made from among them leaders guiding by Our command when they were patient and [when] they were certain of Our signs.” [Qur’an 32:24]
“…Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” [Qur’an 39:10]
“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good].” [Qur’an 42:34-35]
Hadith
Narrated Anas: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.” [Sahih Bukhari]
Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “When a man’s child dies, Allah, the Exalted, asks His angels, ‘Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave?’ and they reply in the affirmative. He (Subhanahu wa Ta’aala) then asks, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’ and they reply in the affirmative. Thereupon He asks, ‘What did my slave say?’ They say: ‘He praised You and said: Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return).’ Allah says: ‘Build a house for my slave in Jannah and name it Baitul-Hamd (the House of Praise).”‘ [Tirmidhi]
“And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and hardship with ease.” [40 Hadith Nawawi]
“Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Sayings from the Companions and Early Muslims
“Be patient. Know that patience is of two kinds, one of which is better than the other. It is good to have patience with disasters, but better than this is to protect oneself from the unlawful. And know that patience is the gist of faith, as the greatest religious act is the fear of Allah, which is gained by patience.” [Umar (may Allah be pleased with him)]
“Faith is built on four: certainty, patience, jihad and good judgement.” “Patience is to faith as head is to body. Whoever has no head has no body. Similarly, whoever has no patience has no faith.” [Ali (may Allah be pleased with him)]
“To remain patient with commands and to remain satisfied with fate is the best rank of faith.” [Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him)]
Patience is an attribute of man only: angels, birds and beasts have no such attribute.
Giving up sin and doing good deeds are not possible without patience. Patience is to act on the inclination to do good deeds after suppressing evil propensities. From this perspective, patience is half of faith.
The first kind of patience is patience with physical pain, such as patience with difficult good deeds, and with sudden accidents and dangers. If patience is observed according to the dictates of religion, it is praiseworthy.
The second kind is patience with inclinations to evil and desire. To have patience with the desire of the stomach and genitals is self-control; with battles–bravery; with anger–forbearance; with turns of fortune–the opening of the heart; with happiness and pleasures–renunciation; and with present possessions–satisfaction.
Patience must be exercised with regard to strength and weakness, in relation to hardship and ease, as well as in relation to laws. To keep patient with the unlawful is obligatory. For instance, it requires patience to perform wudu (washing up before prayer) during cold weather, or to fast long hours in hot weather. It takes patience to maintain concentration in prayer and pray on time, rather than letting myriad tasks distract us because we cannot be patient to finish the prayer first before attending to the tasks.
There are two kinds of things which a man has to face in this world and patience is necessary with both:
A. things which accord with his desire: such as physical health, safety, wealth, name and fame, a large number of followers and helpers. To keep patient with these worldly things is necessary, as whoever enjoys these things without control keeps himself busy with sins.
“Oh you who believe, let not your wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah.” [Quran; 63:9]
Whoever can keep patient with pleasures and happiness is a real man; which entails not being addicted to these things. Such a man thinks of everything given to him as a trust and soon he will have to return it. He does not let himself be swayed by happiness, nor does he keep engaged in diversions.
B. things which oppose his desire: this can be divided into three:
- matters in which man has a choice: e.g. goods deeds and giving up sin.
- matters in which man has no choice: e.g. natural disasters, dangers and difficulties.
- matters in which man has a choice but which he is free to eliminate: e.g. elimination of a harmful person by way of revenge.
If a person gives trouble to another by word or deed, patience–not retaliation–is sometimes obligatory, and sometimes it is regarded as an additional virtuous act.
“And be patient over what they say and avoid them with gracious avoidance.” [Quran; 73:10]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. [Bukhari]
Just as there is patience of different types, the methods for developing the required patience also varies. One must understand the root cause of not having the required patience in each situation and then identify the ways to eliminate that cause.
As promised in the Qur’an (2:153 and 8:46), Allah is with the patient. By virtue of this Divine companionship, those who are patient stand to gain in this life and in the next, gaining both apparent and hidden blessings.
Practising Patience (Sabr)
The ideal that we must train ourselves towards is to make patience the instantaneous and natural reaction.
“The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.” [Bukhari]
If you were to lose your phone, what would be the first words you utter? Would they be words of contentment with the turn of events and tawakkul, or would they be words of frustration, despair, and perhaps even vulgarity?
Developing patience takes effort. It does not come automatically. This may be more difficult for some people than others, depending on their temperament. However, Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) sees our efforts and rewards us accordingly. The struggle matters as much as, or perhaps more than, the outcome.
“…And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and more encompassing than patience.” [Tirmidhi]
Patience is essential for going through life. One cannot erupt and be frazzled by every imperfection or inconvenience. A healthy dose of patience makes for far smoother sailing.
Anger management is a key point of consideration when seeking to develop one’s patience. Anger does have it’s purpose and place and a correct way of being utilized, just like any other human emotion. If one does not feel anger when one sees or hears of injustice, then perhaps there is something wrong within. However, that anger needs to be directed and utilized appropriately so that it does not reign unbridled and earn the displeasure of Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He).
Anger is described as a blaze of fire that resides in the heart–and most often destructive. Imam Mawlud compares it to “a swelling mass of emotion that is difficult to hold back once it is unleashed.”
To use an analogy provided by Imam Al-Ghazzali, think of your mind as a cave with a candle glimmering inside it. This candle is your intellect. When anger occurs, it as though a fire has started inside the cave. Soon, the cave fills with heat and smoke which nearly extinguishes the candle. In other words, anger clouds your intellect and ability to think clearly.
Thus it needs containing in order to prevent damage, humiliation, and other negative consequences.
It was narrated from Ibn Umar that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no gulp that brings greater reward with Allah than a gulp of anger that a man swallows (suppresses), seeking thereby the Face of Allah.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Narrated Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him), Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” [Sahih Bukhari]
Abu Hurairah narrated that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, “Teach me something that is not too much for me so that, perhaps, I may abide by it.” He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Do not get angry.” He repeated that (the request) a number of times, each time he replied: ‘Do not get angry.” [Tirmidhi]
Excessive anger is harmful and prevails over good qualities. A man with excessive anger first loses his intellect, religion and worship; then his sense of right and wrong and the power of right and good thinking, then his power of freedom. Finally he becomes a man afflicted with danger.
There are three causes of not getting angry: being more engaged in more necessary things, being immersed in Allah’s Oneness and knowing that Allah does not love anger, and so more love for Him extinguishes the fire of anger. This is possible when love of the world is ousted from the heart.
The causes which grow anger are self-conceit, self-praise, jest and ridicule, argumentation, treachery, too much greed for too much wealth and name and fame. If these evils are united in a person, his conduct becomes bad and he cannot escape anger. So these things should be removed by their opposites. Self-praise is to be removed by modestly; pride by knowing one’s own origin and birth; greed by remaining satisfied with necessary things; and miserliness by charity.
Medicines for Anger
Medicine based on knowledge:
- To ponder over the rewards and punishments of appeasing anger that have been mentioned in the Qur’an and hadith
- To fear the punishment of Allah and to know that Allah’s punishment of you is greater than your punishment of another.
- To take precautions of the punishment of enmity and revenge on yourself.
- To think about the ugly face of the angry person.
- To imagine Satan goading you to be angry and refusing to allow him that influence over you.
- To think of the reason why you are angry and remember that what Allah has wished has occurred.
Medicine based on action
- Saying, “I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan.”
- To sit down if you are standing, to lie down if you are sitting and bring yourself close to the ground, as you have been created of earth. Thus, make yourself clam like the earth. “When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.” [Abu Dawud]
- To perform wudhu or take a cold shower
- To be silent until the anger subsides.
It is important to remain calm and think through things rather than rushing and acting on impulse. Reflect on what lead to the situation that is causing your anger. Perhaps it is our own mistake that brought about the situation and therefore it is not worth projecting that anger on someone else.
Even in the case of someone else who is making us angry, we must remind ourselves that it is not worth our expending our anger on most issues. An incident is related regarding Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) where someone accused him of not dealing with justice. However, Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was reminded about the following:
خُذِ ٱلۡعَفۡوَ وَأۡمُرۡ بِٱلۡعُرۡفِ وَأَعۡرِضۡ عَنِ ٱلۡجَـٰهِلِينَ (١٩٩)
“Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; but turn away from the ignorant.” [Qur’an; 7:199]
Some situations cannot be attributed to one’s own actions or the actions of another person but they need to be accepted as the Divine Decree of Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) who ordains things by His Infinite Wisdom and we are not able to comprehend the full breadth and depth of His arrangements for us. We remind ourselves that we are His slaves and we give priority to accepting His decree over having our own desires met exactly as we prefer. It could be a test that takes us closer to Him (Glorified and Exalted be He) or it could be an arrangement that is for our own good. He is the All-Knowing.
وَسَارِعُوٓاْ إِلَىٰ مَغۡفِرَةٍ۬ مِّن رَّبِّڪُمۡ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرۡضُهَا ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتُ وَٱلۡأَرۡضُ أُعِدَّتۡ لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ (١٣٣) ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡڪَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ (١٣٤) وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُواْ فَـٰحِشَةً أَوۡ ظَلَمُوٓاْ أَنفُسَہُمۡ ذَكَرُواْ ٱللَّهَ فَٱسۡتَغۡفَرُواْ لِذُنُوبِهِمۡ وَمَن يَغۡفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهُ وَلَمۡ يُصِرُّواْ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُواْ وَهُمۡ يَعۡلَمُونَ (١٣٥) أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ جَزَآؤُهُم مَّغۡفِرَةٌ۬ مِّن رَّبِّهِمۡ وَجَنَّـٰتٌ۬ تَجۡرِى مِن تَحۡتِهَا ٱلۡأَنۡہَـٰرُ خَـٰلِدِينَ فِيہَاۚ وَنِعۡمَ أَجۡرُ ٱلۡعَـٰمِلِينَ (١٣٦)
“And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous. Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good; And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins – and who can forgive sins except Allah? – and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know. Those – their reward is forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise], wherein they will abide eternally; and excellent is the reward of the [righteous] workers.” [Qur’an; 3:133-136]
The above verse mentions restraining anger (وَٱلۡڪَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ). We must keep it contained and not let it overflow and become apparent in our words and actions. Restraining anger is an act that disappoints Satan while giving into anger is an act that pleases him. We need to bear in mind that giving into anger makes us ugly even in appearance and more often than not causes us to feel remorse and shame later.
صِلْ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ وَأَعْطِ مَنْ حَرَمَكَ وَاعْفُ عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَكَ
“Reconcile with whoever cuts you off, give to whoever deprives you, and forgive whoever wrongs you.” [Musnad Aḥmad]
It is narrated that once when Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) was once insulted by a man, he offered the man an expensive garment and 1000 Dirhams as a gift in return. In other words, Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) chose to respond in a higher way. At this the man responded, “I bear witness that you are from the descendants of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).”
It is also narrated regarding Umar ibn Abdul Aziz that once when he was in the position of the Caliph, he was walking through the masjid when he happened to trip over another person. The other person became upset and asked Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) if he was crazy. Although the Caliph’s guards tried to take action against the man for asking such a question, Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) would not let them. Instead he simply answered the man’s question with, “No, I am not crazy,” and continued on his way.
These are examples of remaining sensible and collected even when faced with disturbing situations and dealing with them in a reasonable way.
“The strong-man is not one who wrestles well but the strong man is one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage.” [Sahih Muslim]
Further Reading
Anger Management in Islam
Treaty of Hudaibiyah
Perseverance
Trials and Tribulations
Stories of the Prophets
[Book] Al-Fawa’id; pg 371
[Video] Patience – the Ultimate Weapon
[Video] How to Have Patience During Hardship
[Video] How to be Patient
The Story of Prophet Ayyub
This is extracted from Surah Asr; the 104th surah in the Qur’an.
3Ps of Success
The above diagram can also be interpreted as the 3Ps of success.
- Peace (TFT)
- Piety (RGD)
- Patience (PTP)
An example from the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) that encapsulates all three of the above qualities is the incident that took place at Ta’if.
Opposition in Makkah was strong and some of the believers had migrated to Ethiopia to find safety from persecution. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) visited Ta’if with the intention of inviting people to Islam.
He had to walk the lengthy journey to and from Ta’if. When he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) got there, however, the people of Ta’if hardly paid attention to the message. In addition, the children of the city were made to attack the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) by pelting him with stones all the way out of the area.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was injured and bleeding from this harsh treatment of the people of Ta’if. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sat down in a vineyard to take rest. At that point, the Angel Jibreel appeared in the presence of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) with the offer to crush the people of Ta’if between two mountains in the region, in return for the hardship they had inflicted.
When this incident took place, it was already a sad period in the life of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) as his beloved wife Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) and uncle Abu Talib had both passed away in the same year. It was known as the Year of Sorrow.
Being who he was, he could have retaliated. Yet instead of seeking vengeance, despite being offered the opportunity to do so, our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) exemplified his noble character, his peaceful disposition even in the face of adversity and pain, his piety, and his patience with Allah’s will. His supplication to Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) in that time of pain is captured as follows:
Allahumma ilayka ashkoo
O God to you alone do I complain
Dhu’fa quwwati,
Of my weakness
Wa qillata hilaty,
And my lack of excuse
Wa hawany alla nas,
And the humiliation I suffer at the hands of my fellow-men.
Ya Arham-Ar Rahimin
O Most merciful of those who are merciful.
Anta rabbul mustadaafeen,
You are the Lord of the Weakened
Wa anta rabbi,
And you are my Lord
Ila man takilny,
To whom would You entrust me?
Ila baeedin yatajahhammuny,
To a distant person who is hostile and antagonistic?
Am ila aduwwin mallaktahu amry,
or to an enemy You have given authority over me ?
In lam yakun bika ghadabun alayy,
If You are not angry with me
Falaa ubaali
I do not care
Wa laakinn aafiyatuka heeya awsa’uw lee
Your forgiveness is all that matters to me
A’uzu bi Noori wajhik allazee
I seek protection in the light of Your face
Ashraqtu lahuz- zulumatu
Which dispels all darkness
Wa saluha ‘alayhi amrud-dunya wal-akhirah
And solves all the problems in this life and hereafter
Min an yanzila bi ghadabuka,
Lest Your wrath descend upon me
Aw yahilla alayya sakhatuka,
I desire Your pleasure and satisfaction
Lakal utba
to You is the supplication
Hatta tardha
Until You are pleased
Wa la hawla
And there is no Power
Wa la quwwata
And no Force
illa bika
other than You
This is something to keep in mind when dealing with current issues such as the cartoon-drawing controversy.
Likewise we have the example of Prophet Yusuf (may Allah be pleased with him). A considerable part of the life of Prophet Yusuf (may Allah be pleased with him) is a reflection of the noble qualities of (1) peace, (2) patience, and (3) piety.
He was abandoned by his own flesh and blood, yet he forgave them and treated them well and only responded with peace. He was invited to be promiscuous with a woman of high standing, yet he maintained his piety and feared Allah. He was imprisoned for no justifiable cause, yet he remained patient. The eventual outcome of his life was one of success and recognition, but it took perseverance in holding on to true morally upright character.
Further Resources
[Video] How to Stop Wasting Time
[Video] Time: A Wasted Treasure (aka Social Media, Video Games, etc.) by Imam Wisam Sharieff | Du’a Surah Yusuf Qur’an 12:101 | Du’a: Allahumma Anta Rabbi
وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَهُوَ خَيۡرٌ۬ لَّڪُمۡۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ۬ لَّكُمۡۗ وَٱللَّهُ يَعۡلَمُ وَأَنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ
“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.”
[Qur’an; 2:216]
“The believer is not afflicted by the prick of a thorn or what is worse (or greater) than that, except that by it Allah raises him in rank and removes sin from him.” [Tirmidhi]
Avoid comparing your life with that of others.
وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيۡنَيۡكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعۡنَا بِهِۦۤ أَزۡوَٲجً۬ا مِّنۡہُمۡ زَهۡرَةَ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا لِنَفۡتِنَہُمۡ فِيهِۚ وَرِزۡقُ رَبِّكَ خَيۡرٌ۬ وَأَبۡقَىٰ
“And do not extend your eyes toward that by which We have given enjoyment to [some] categories of them, [its being but] the splendor of worldly life by which We test them. And the provision of your Lord is better and more enduring.”
[Qur’an; 20:31]
Instead of comparing your life with that of someone else, compare your today with your yesterday. Reflect on what has improved and show gratitude. This is a healthy route to take especially when bombarded with various forms of day-to-day stress and disappointments.
Again, gratitude in every situation is the way to go.
لَٮِٕن شَڪَرۡتُمۡ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمۡۖ وَلَٮِٕن ڪَفَرۡتُمۡ إِنَّ عَذَابِى لَشَدِيدٌ۬
“If you are grateful, I will surely increase you but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”
[Qur’an; 14:7]
Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) revealed to us in the Qur’an:
قَدۡ أَفۡلَحَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ / ٱلَّذِينَ هُمۡ فِى صَلَاتِہِمۡ خَـٰشِعُونَ / وَٱلَّذِينَ هُمۡ عَنِ ٱللَّغۡوِ مُعۡرِضُونَ / وَٱلَّذِينَ هُمۡ لِلزَّكَوٰةِ فَـٰعِلُونَ / وَٱلَّذِينَ هُمۡ لِفُرُوجِهِمۡ حَـٰفِظُونَ / إِلَّا عَلَىٰٓ أَزۡوَٲجِهِمۡ أَوۡ مَا مَلَكَتۡ أَيۡمَـٰنُہُمۡ فَإِنَّہُمۡ غَيۡرُ مَلُومِينَ / فَمَنِ ٱبۡتَغَىٰ وَرَآءَ ذَٲلِكَ فَأُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلۡعَادُونَ / وَٱلَّذِينَ هُمۡ لِأَمَـٰنَـٰتِهِمۡ وَعَهۡدِهِمۡ رَٲعُونَ / وَٱلَّذِينَ هُمۡ عَلَىٰ صَلَوَٲتِہِمۡ يُحَافِظُونَ / أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلۡوَٲرِثُونَ
“Certainly will the believers have succeeded: They who are during their prayer humbly submissive. And they who turn away from ill speech. And they who are observant of zakah. And they who guard their private parts. Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors. And they who are to their trusts and their promises attentive. And they who carefully maintain their prayers. Those are the inheritors.”
[Qur’an; 23:1-10]
ٱلتَّـٰٓٮِٕبُونَ ٱلۡعَـٰبِدُونَ ٱلۡحَـٰمِدُونَ ٱلسَّـٰٓٮِٕحُونَ ٱلرَّٲڪِعُونَ ٱلسَّـٰجِدُونَ ٱلۡأَمِرُونَ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ وَٱلنَّاهُونَ عَنِ ٱلۡمُنڪَرِ وَٱلۡحَـٰفِظُونَ لِحُدُودِ ٱللَّهِۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ
“[Such believers are] the repentant, the worshippers, the praisers [of Allah], the travelers [for His cause], those who bow and prostrate [in prayer], those who enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong, and those who observe the limits [set by] Allah. And give good tidings to the believers.”
[Qur’an; 9:112]
وَعِبَادُ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَمۡشُونَ عَلَى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ هَوۡنً۬ا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ ٱلۡجَـٰهِلُونَ قَالُواْ سَلَـٰمً۬ا / وَٱلَّذِينَ يَبِيتُونَ لِرَبِّهِمۡ سُجَّدً۬ا وَقِيَـٰمً۬ا / وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا ٱصۡرِفۡ عَنَّا عَذَابَ جَهَنَّمَۖ إِنَّ عَذَابَهَا كَانَ غَرَامًا / إِنَّهَا سَآءَتۡ مُسۡتَقَرًّ۬ا وَمُقَامً۬ا / وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَنفَقُواْ لَمۡ يُسۡرِفُواْ وَلَمۡ يَقۡتُرُواْ وَڪَانَ بَيۡنَ ذَٲلِكَ قَوَامً۬ا / وَٱلَّذِينَ لَا يَدۡعُونَ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا ءَاخَرَ وَلَا يَقۡتُلُونَ ٱلنَّفۡسَ ٱلَّتِى حَرَّمَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَّا بِٱلۡحَقِّ وَلَا يَزۡنُونَۚ
“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace, And those who spend [part of] the night to their Lord prostrating and standing [in prayer]. And those who say, “Our Lord, avert from us the punishment of Hell. Indeed, its punishment is ever adhering; indeed, it is evil as a settlement and residence.” And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate. And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse.”
[Qur’an; 25:63]
The son of Luqman asked his father, “Oh father, which fine qualities in a man’s conduct are good?” Luqman said,
- “Religion,
- Treatment
- Shame
- Good conduct, and
- Generosity.
When these five qualities are united in a person, he becomes
- Pure
- God-fearing
- A friend of Allah, and
- Freed from Satan.”
Humility, preferring others over yourself, courage, honesty, and such qualities are all part of good conduct, while bad character involves arrogance.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught us and demonstrated they way through his own good character. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would repay good with evil. He would smile and be cheerful and allow time for anyone who wanted to talk to him. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was concerned about people who were absent and would take into consideration the weak and the sick when he lead the congregational prayers.
An important formula to keep in mind:
خُذِ ٱلۡعَفۡوَ وَأۡمُرۡ بِٱلۡعُرۡفِ وَأَعۡرِضۡ عَنِ ٱلۡجَـٰهِلِينَ (١٩٩)
“Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; but turn away from the ignorant.” [Qur’an; 7:199]
Deal with the people gently and as they are rather than forcing them to change. Enjoin what is good but in a kind and humble way. Do not allow the foolish and ignorant to upset you.
Three action points on that note:
- Muhasabah (quiet personal reflection): Make it a part of your daily or weekly routine–ideally at bedtime or before every Friday prayer–to think over your actions. Pick out what is good and decide to maintain it, pick what is bad and resolve to leave it.
- Keep good company: Character is influenced by the company we keep–be that in the form of actual friends or in the form of the media and music we consume.
- Dua (supplication): The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) would specifically supplicate for good character.
Ingredients of Good Character
The ingredients of good character are knowledge–for sound practice requires knowledge, and wisdom–for sound knowledge requires action. It helps to be in the company of those who are known for their good character (such as those from the family of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), known as the Ahlul Bayt). While outer appearances may be misleading, a person’s character becomes clear by travelling with them, by living in close proximity, or by engaging in trade with them.
It is said that character begins with the stomach and health. So remove from your heart whatever Satan eats, such as anger, appetite, desire, and putting passion in the driving seat. Do not allow Satan to graze in your heart by allowing these qualities to take over your heart.
The Sum of Prophetic Teachings
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali and others relate that the sum of Prophetic teachings is that good character is manifest in five matters:
- Fulfilling the rights of others
- Avoiding hurting or harming others
- Being cheerful and positive in one’s dealing with others
- Recognizing the good of others and reciprocating
- Responding to the wrong of others with nothing but the good.
A popular saying goes, “If you are only good to those who are good to you, then what good are you?”
Regarding the good character of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), his wife Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) once said, “He was not obscene, nor uttering obscenities, nor screaming in the markets, he would not return an evil with an evil, but rather he was pardoning and forgiving.” [Tirmidhi]
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is also reported to have said, “I have not been sent as the invoker of curse, but I have been sent as mercy.” [Sahih Muslim]
Further Reading
Repel Evil with Good and Win the Hearts of Enemies
Scholars have defined good character as the disposition which causes one to incline towards praiseworthy inward traits and outward conduct. Character is comprised of multiple qualities, as elaborated in “Attributes of Success“.
Such excellent character cannot be attained without three conditions:
- The foundation must be good. If one has a rough and dry nature, it will be hard for him to submit to this (excellence of character) through knowledge, will, or practice. On the other hand, a mild and smooth nature will be ready and willing to receive the ploughing and the seeds (to prepare it for character excellence).
- The soul must be strong and capable of conquering calls of laziness, transgression, and desire. Those matters contradict perfection, and souls which cannot defeat them will always be defeated and conquered.
- (One must possess) a discerning knowledge of the truth of matters, enabling one to put them in the rightful position, and to distinguish between flesh and cancer; between glass and jewels.
If these three qualities are present in a man, and Allah’s facilitation helps him, then he will be among those whom the best (Husnaa) has been decreed and for whom Allah’s care has been secured. (Extracted from the teachings of Imam Ibn ul Qayyim al Jawziyyah)
Character is not what you do but it is what makes you behave as you do. Character comes from our natural propensity or preparedness. Hence action is not character, but analysing a person’s actions can reveal his character (i.e. the intentions behind his actions). There is a law of reciprocity in that character affects our actions and actions affect our character.
Human beings have a dual nature:
وَنَفۡسٍ۬ وَمَا سَوَّٮٰهَا / فَأَلۡهَمَهَا فُجُورَهَا وَتَقۡوَٮٰهَا / قَدۡ أَفۡلَحَ مَن زَكَّٮٰهَا / وَقَدۡ خَابَ مَن دَسَّٮٰهَا
“And [by] the soul and He who proportioned it, and inspired it [with discernment of] its wickedness and its righteousness, he has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it [with corruption].”
[Qur’an; 91:7-10]
The voice of one’s conscience is clear to every person and provides an ever-present moral awareness that he either choses to abide by or suppress. While it is true that the lower self beckons to corruption, one has the ability to master these inclinations and take charge of one’s actions.
It has been argued that one’s nature cannot be changed. Character is firmly established and it may be difficult to alter the disposition of one’s soul from which actions are effortlessly generated. Thus by knowing our hearts we know our character.
Yet we see that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Make your conduct good.” So indeed it is possible to strive against one’s own habituation, control it, and alter it towards a beneficial course. Thought and deliberation can be used to alter our character in order to make it better.
When the nature of lower animals can be changed by training, human nature can all the more be changed by training, education, and habit.
Good character can be attained through persistence–not just in hating sin but also in doing good deeds. The more acts of worship one performs throughout a long life, the greater will be the reward, the purer will be the heart, and the stronger and more deeply rooted will be one’s good conduct.
Therefore one must get into the habit of doing good deeds in whatever form and place they may be. One may encounter temptations and trials but both of these can be addressed through piety and patience.
Good character, as Imam Ghazali explains in his Ihya’, is an inward disposition that causes one to incline towards praiseworthy inward traits and praiseworthy outward actions.
The object of good character is to disconnect the heart from worldly attachments and directing all its love towards Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He). Good character opens the door to Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) while bad character takes one away from Him and opens the door to the Fire.
The Islamic term for good character is adab. However, in addition to this meaning, it also carries a gamut of connotations about one’s code of conduct. Islam–afterall–is a complete way of life. A person who has attained adab has been shaped in accordance with Islamic principles so much so that the Islamic code of conduct becomes their nature.
A source of adab is the consciousness of Allah’s (Glorified and Exalted be He) constant watch and presence in our life and behaving accordingly. A saying goes, “Adab is a person’s external clothing. A person with no adab is as though undressed.” In other words, it is a spiritual garment that can serve as a barrier from harm; a manifestation of piety.
Knowledge without adab can never bring forth wisdom, regardless of the breath and depth of learning. It is famously mentioned of ibn Al-Qasim, that he studied with Imam Malik for twenty years–eighteen years learning adab and two years for other types of knowledge (ilm)–but that he wished he had spent all twenty learning adab.